Stolen Bike.

Wanted: Stolen: Orange Jamis Bicycle (reward offered)
Date Listed 23-Dec-11
Address Kitchener, ON

My bike got stolen tonight from UW Campus. I had a nice thick $50 lock on it that got cut clear in half.

It's an orange Jamis Commuter 2.0 with a black rack and folding basket on the rear.

If you see it around town, or for sale in a pawn shop, please send me an email or just call the police and report it. I'll happily pay a reward to the kind person that gets it back to me. Thank you!

To: Someone stole my bike.
From: Me
Hey, I actually just bought your bike at Pawn Centre on King st... If you refund my money with some interest, I will be glad to return it.

To : Me
From: Someone stole my bike.
Wonderful. I'd be happy to. How much did you pay for it?
Thanks,
J

To: Someone stole my bike
From: Me
I paid $754.73, I am looking for $900.

To : Me From: Someone stole my bike. Do you want me to come by your place to pick it up or do you want to drop it off? -j To: Someone stole my bike From: Me I stole your bike.....

Me need Snow.

Wanted: WANTED SNOW FOR GRANDAUTER
Date Listed 21-Nov-11
Price Please contact
Big River, SK

HI looking for snow must be in good shape thanks.

To: Snow Lover
From: Me

Hey, I have a TON of snow in my front yard, I am willing to ship some to you from Calgary, to Saskatchewan. I have 3 different colors, Yellow, Brown, and blood Red , I also have Black.

On an unrelated topic, you are Native, right? I only assume this because you spell the way, your people pronounce things.

To: Me
From: Snow Lover

Hey you are half right i am a halfbreed. that was very interesting can you tell what the other half is . Was i looking for snow i will take a couple truck loads of the Blood Ren us indians like brite colars  .We got a bit of snow not much  .Nice to hear from you thats a good trick CHIEF WALKING PENGUIN

To: Snow lover
From: Me
I think you are an Indian Squaw. I ran out of blood red snow, but I did just get a large shipment of Scope! I know your people enjoy this beverage. (I like to think of myself as culturally informed.) I will give you a great deal on it! Let me know!

Poor Man

looking for a loan
Date Listed 29-Dec-11

hi i am sure everyone has seen the same story on here before i need a loan that i can pay back in payments i just got a job full time 20 bucks a hour but it is a little late also would be willing to work it off can pretty much do any work around the house very handy guy lots of skills just have had some bad luck i am looking for a loan between 1500 and 2000 if there is anyone out there that can help i thank you in advance

To: @Kijiji.ca
From: Me
I am willing to loan you $1762.67, but it comes with a catch. If this amount is acceptable, email me back, and I will let you in on the "catch".

To: Me
From: @Kijiji.ca
Well that works it is a odd number but it works

To: @Kijiji.ca
From: Me
What kind of payments are you able to make? Weekly, bi weekly? And how much?

To: Me
From: @Kijiji.ca
Every two weeks 400 until payed off will even pay a extra 400

To: @Kijiji.ca
From: Me
I will agree to this, if you come over to my house, put on my lingerie, and clean my house, top to bottom. At this time, I will give you  1762.67, as agreed in cash, and will need you to sign a contract, stating you will pay the full amount, + 400.00 in 2 months. Does this sound fair to you?

To: Me
From: @Kijiji.ca
I dont think you would want to see me in you under wear i am a 270 pound man

To: @Kijiji,ca
From: Me
On the contraire, that's exactly what I am looking for. I will have to buy a bigger size, but the offer is still there.

To: Me
From: @Kijiji.ca
Sorry i do need the money badly but there is no way i can do that for you sorry

To: @Kijiji.ca
From: Me
How about you give me a massage, do my grocery shopping, and make me dinner once a week, until you are paid up?

To: Me
From: @Kijiji.ca
Are you male or female

To: @Kijiji.ca
From: Me
I am a Female.

To: Me
From: @Kijiji.ca
So how do you want to go about this i can come meet you at your house tomorrow and sign some papers and set up a times and dates for the other stuff

To: @Kijiji.ca
From: Me
Sounds good, my address is Unit A xxxxx xst S.W, say around noon?

To: Me
From: @Kijiji.ca
I will be there

Loving Daughter.

Will Babysit In My House Or Yours!!
Date Listed 28-Dec-11


Hello there, my name is Kim I am 20 in March... I took a babysitting course when I was 11 and have tons of experience, I am willing to babysit in my home or yours!! I am great with and love kids, I can cook and or clean if it is required. Email or phone with any further questions.

Thanks,

To: Kim
From: Me

Kim,

I am in desperate need of a babysitter, are you free January 2nd? I would need you for 7 hours, to babysit my 89 year old Mother. I will pay you $8.50 an hour if you babysit at my place, and 12.50 if you babysit at your house. If you are available, I will give your address to my Mother, and get her to walk over (Bus, if it's too far.) I will send her with a backpack filled with, her medication, food, diapers, wipes, etc. I assume you know how to make Kraft dinner, and hot dogs? If not, you can just let her eat raw hotdogs, and hard noodles, just tell her it's stale cereal, she won't know the difference. Don't forget to put the food on a shelf a little taller then her, she needs to get her exercise.

Please get back to me, ASAP! I need you! If the price isn't right, shoot me back a number.

--Lisa.

To: Me
From: Kijiji.ca
I am not sure I could do that, and I don't beleive that if she can't tell the diffenence between uncooked noodles and stale cereal that she would be able to find her way to my place... This is a joke right?

To: Kijiji.ca
From: Me
No, I am dead serious. If you are that concerned, I will drive her. Just name your price! I don't have a lot of time to find a sitter.

To: Me
From: @Kijiji.ca
the oldest person I have ever babysat was 9 I believe!!! I don't think I can do it, what do you usually do with her?

To: @Kijiji.ca
From: Me
It's just like babysitting a 2 year old, with no energy. She likes to play cards, and tell very interesting stories. She sleeps a lot, and needs to be changed every once in a while. I am very desperate for a sitter, this is not a joke, I need a yes or no. She is easy to take care of, and we can negotiate a price.

To: Me
From: Kijiji.ca
What do you have to do on the 2nd, and where abouts do you live?

To: @Kijiji.ca
From: Me
I have a business plan/proposal to go over, and present. I live in Southland.

Road Kill.

4 Year Old Male Bengal Cat Missing

---

Date: 2011-12-13
Reply: @craigslist.org 

---

Dino has been missing since December 8, 2011. He is a marbled Bengal; brown, orange, black and tan in color. Email me and I'll send his pictures. If you have him, have seen him or have ANY information about him, please contact me. Our family misses him dearly. Thank you.

To: @Kijiji.ca
From: Me

I think I found your Cat.

To: Me
From: @Craigslist.com

Really? 

Does he look like this?

 (¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•

 Dee

To: @Craigslist.com
From: Me

That's him! Unfortunately I hit him with my car on the main drag , and surrendered him to C A R E Centre Animal Hospital (xxxx xx St SE, I believe on the 16, that was a Friday, right?), because I was not paying the medical bills for a 50/50 chance of survival. If he is still kicking around (Funny, because he has a broken leg, just trying to lighten up the mood!). You should get him, before he is adopted.

Any ways, because you allowed your cat to roam the streets, I think you owe me a car detailing in the summer, to get the blood 100% off of my car, tires, and passenger seat.


Ps. You should really get your carpet cleaned.

No Hard Feelings!
--Your Applewood Neighbor.

Dog Food.

Alapaha blue blooded bull dog *RARE*
Date Listed 27-Dec-11
Price $500.00
Date of Birth 03-Aug-09 (2 years old)
   
I have a very friendly very rare dog she is two years old, Alapaha Blue Blooded Bulldog,she loves kids and family I how ever can not care for her anymore, I have 4 kids and work full time there just isnt enough time in the day our family would love to see her go to a home with kids that will love and play with her,
there are only about 12 hundred of her in the world she is the best dog we have ever owned but it is unfair for us to keep her, she can still have puppies we never had her fixed, she is a unpapered pure breed,

To: @Kijiji.ca
From: Me

I am emailing you about your rare dog . She looks delicious, but a little on the thin side. I have quite a large family, and we are looking for a well fed dog for an exotic meal. Do you know the life expectancy of this breed? We would need to fatten him up a bit, and god only knows how long that will take after being in your care.

--Loving, hungry family.

To: Me
From: @Kijiji.ca

Some thing is very wrong with u 

To: @Kijiji,ca
From:
So, when can I pick up the Dog?

To: Me
From: @Kijiji.ca

Sick!!!!!!

To: @Kijiji,ca
From:
I don't understand, I am offering to take your dog, love him, and feed him, clearly something you refuse to do, and this is sick? Shame on you, you greedy, selfish Man!

To: Me
From: @Kijiji.ca
Why is that you think I don't care for my dog ? Is there any thing in my add that says that ? U think that feeding ur family on dog is ok well go to another place my dog is not for you ! Thank you and good luck

To: @Kijiji.ca
From: Me
Ohhhhh, I get it! You don't want to feel like a "bad guy" for letting a Man provide a shorter, but better life for your Dog. Just give me your address, and let the Dog out, say 10:20 PM?

A New Home.

Downtown parking
Date Listed 23-Dec-11
Price $175.00
For Rent By Owner

I have a downtown heated underground parking spot for rent in the Colours building by Batistella. A couple of minutes walk into town. Fully secure parkade.

Location: xxx xxth Ave SW.
$175/month. $100 deposit for parking key fob (refundable upon termination).

To @Kijiji.ca
From: Me

Hello, I am looking to rent your heated garage. How warm does it actually get? If you don't have a thermometer, just measure it by if one could comfortably sleep in there, on a cold wintery night. Could a tow truck easily get my car in the garage? Are there entry passes? If so, how many am I allowed to have? (Just in case I ever get a girlfriend.) And are there plug ins?

If you could get back to me ASAP, it would be much appreciated.

xoxo
--A very cold Car and Man.

To: Me
From: @kijiji.ca

 

Lol this is the best reply I've had so far - unfortunately the spot has been taken.

Cheers.

Sugar Daddy.

Trophy Wife (Calgary)

---

Date: 2011-12-13, 10:54AM MST

---

I am young, very pretty, dress well, have a nice figure, kind of lazy, have no real life skills and think it would be easier to just meet a man who is already rich and successful. Preferably single and wants to have beautiful babies with a beautiful girl. 

Hello Trophy,

I am looking for a beautiful Woman with a small mind, one who doesn't know the difference between love, and being used for her looks. I am not the most affectionate Man, but I will shower you with gifts. I don't want to talk about my business with you, but I will give you a weekly allowance. I don't care what you do with your money, but you must be home in a timely manner, every night. When we get married, you will have to sign a prenuptial agreement, no negotiations. I will make your family believe that this is true love, and you will do the same with my friends.

If this sound appealing to you, I will need you to reply with a picture, face, and body.

--Leo W

Pimp, with a limp.

"Prescription medications for treating conditions such as psychiatric conditions can result in acute leg swelling, and is a common side effect."

He always lies about being famous, just helping him out, and providing a wider audience.

InterWeb War

Attractive man, looking for $exy woman to... - 26 (Mckenzie Lake S.E)

---

Date: Date: 2011-12-28

---

My name is Minkus, I am 24 years old, and I am looking for the $pecial lady, to take my virginity. I am 5'12, intelligent, funny, I had a great job, but was recently let go due to being insubordinate, but I have high hopes to find another job soon! I live in McKenzie lake with my Mother as a roomate, don't worry, she's not like Howard Wolowitz's from The Big Bang Theory's mom, I promise. I don't have a car, or a license, because I have Epilepsy, and can have a seizure at any moment.

I have never had sex, but I am hung well, about 4 and a half inches. I won't disappoint you.

Check out my FB page! mark.laplante3

Email me with a picture,
Please no fat, ugly, or blacks.

To:Minkus
From: Mark

How will this project solve this problem?

We are doing our part to grow the "3rd" sector in Tokyo. While helping friends or family is a cultural norm here, assisting those you don't know is a more recent development. We want to help foreigners serve the community better.

FINALLY, SOMEONE REPLIED! It only took a week. *Rolls eyes*

Barny's Fridge.

Wanted: I want a stainless steel fridge for $400. Cash!
Date Listed 27-Dec-11
Price $400.00


Hi, I'm looking for the best stainless steel fridge I can get for $400.00 cash!!
If you are interested please email me the info: year, make, model, size and pic.
Thank you and happy new year!!

 Hello! I have an LG LSC23924SB side-by-side refrigerator with ice and water dispenser (33" Width). It works perfectly, not a scratch, or dent on it. The only reason I am selling it, is because my Husband bought us a new one. The only downside is, the door on the right, doesn't close properly anymore, because of one of our Son's temper tantrums. It is a quick fix though, we used velcro, and rope too keep it shut. I have attached a picture, so you know exactly what you are buying. Also, I am throwing in a free stuffed dinosaur. My Son need's to learn that at age 23, you shouldn't be sleeping with stuffed animals anymore.

--Lisa